Change

has always been an unwelcome guest in my brain. It crumples me into choosing a new path, into traversing through an indifferent plane. It makes discomfort my everyday outfit. And trembling hands and fumbling fingers, my personality trait. It sends thunderbolts of trepidation pulsating through my veins and constructs mazes that take me eons to find my way around. It yanks me into a new universe without notice, but not before leaving behind bits of everything I chose to make friends with. It makes me want to live more in memories and less in the moment — I begin to build more barriers and walls, and bridges that I wouldn’t want to cross. It makes me want to go back in time and pause, and hold every second, still. It warps around me like quick sand — it doesn’t give me time to take in the whirlwind I’m being swept into, it makes me want to go into hiding, to shut my eyes as I walk down the aisle.
Change doesn’t crush my joy, but with each passing day, I take longer to smile.

#Poetry

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Hope

likes to slither away into the shadows. It loves to sleep beneath greying clouds until a ray of sunshine knocks its socks off and floods the sky with rainbows. It needs you to dot the i’s in impediments and cross the t’s in trust. It wantonly allows you to choose windy moors and rainstorms, and pizzas that don’t come with a thin crust. It sees you buckling down, it sees you ripping your heart apart, it sees you trudging on broken glasses and holding on to barbed wires. It sees you asking the wrong questions, it sees you trying hard to fit in, it sees you transform into an insignificant outlier. It waits until you spot the lone leaf fall, it lets your brain runs amok with self-doubt, it watches you cry yourself to sleep, it stays unruffled as you drag yourself back home, deterred. And then, it raps at your door to remind you it’s still there, sitting pretty like a four-leaf clover on your window sill, waiting to be discovered.

❤️
#Poetry

Being with you

is like reading my favorite novel. When I yearn for time to stand still. When I long to move to the next chapter, to have new beginnings to look forward to, to continue the adventure together, but I also want to linger in the present, savor each moment for as long as I can, while I’m here. When there are infinite, inexplicable moments I want to seize from the sieve and write poems about, and fatiguing memories that effortlessly knock me out.

But every time I picture us together in my mind, I inadvertently smile, because I see us cheerfully rise through pitfalls and impediments, I see holding hands until we reach the aisle. I see us gazing at a cloudless blue sky, sitting by the sea and sipping mugs of piping hot coffee. I see us sticking our necks out for each other and flaunting our eccentricity.

Because with you, I know I can burn the baggage I carry, and unapologetically be me. With you, I know no matter how tedious the journey, we’d always end up together, happy. With you, I know I wouldn’t have to mince words, be dressed to the teeth or reek of cologne.

Because with you, I’m home.
❤️
#Poetry

I’ll write you a postcard

every week, I promise. Because texts can’t smell of sand and ink. They don’t carry stamps in their corners, or remind you that we now live, in separate continents.

I’d write you a postcard every week. In colour, in cursive. I’d singe it with the scent of shiuli flowers doused in dew and fill every inch of its space with all the nothings I’d want you to know. I’d staple with them pictures of the clear blue sky, of the birds chirping their way back home, of the squirrel that has now built its nest outside my window.

I’d write you a postcard every week about how your absence in the city has become my entropy.
But, would it be enough to make you think of me?
❤️
#Poetry

Begin again

every time you think you’ve reached the end of the road. Every time, you find the last shred of hope sinking, every time, you struggle to stay afloat. Every time you’re forced to let go. Every time, you find a door closed, every time, somebody says no. Every time you step back because you are worried you’d become the clown. Every time you let your confidence drown.
Begin again, every time self-doubt creeps into your veins and puts your dreams to sleep. Begin again every time you fail, every time you fall into a heap. Begin again every time fear pulls you down.

Begin again, every time, until you find your crown.
❤️
#Poetry

On evenings like these

when I put my feet up and gaze at the flamingo sky from my terrace, I want to think of reasons to be happy. I want to pause the chaos that’s crowding my forehead with lines of worry. I want the questions I leave unanswered at my doorstep, to stop breaking into my bubble. And plausibly, shut out the rest of the world and everything in it that I find unacceptable. No eyebrows raised, no questions asked.
I want to fall asleep reading Backman and tell myself that everything I am looking out for, is going to be okay. So when the dawn breaks, I carry with me hope, that it brings with it the promise of a beautiful, new day.

❤️
#Poetry

What are benchmarks for…

any way and why, should they be the reason you stay, if they snatch from your identity, only push you to become the “next” Justine Hénin-Hardenne?
If they rob you of your vision and seldom let you see the world through your eyes?If they don’t let you carve the path you choose to tread, only make your journey a vain, Victorian compromise?
If they promise you an edge, but steal the adrenaline rush? If they don’t allow you the time to reflect and process, or give you moments to look back at and relish?
If they only force you to become a race horse, a puppet, a humanoid, a broken, breathing toy?

Oh, what are benchmarks for, if they aren’t what your dreams are made of, if they don’t glaze your soul with joy?

❤️
#Poetry