Chasing the stars, seeking my sunshine…

I’m chasing my stars, dreaming of the places I want to be in, wishing to bask in the infinite sunshine,
Yet,
The journey in between – I want it to be eternally seamless;
Intoxicatingly exhausting me with exhilaration that’d set blood pulsating into my fragile veins,
Propelling me to discover a million different possibilities despite failures fracturing my fatigued willpower,
Forever inspiring me to look beyond destinations I may not reach – so my epitaph reads, someday,
“She became the spark she looked for, her fire –
Inextinguishable, even when it was time for her to rest, to retire.”

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What I want…

I wanna fly – without opinions and beliefs and thoughts and experiences clipping my wings,

Without trepidation stretching through the filaments of my imagination, and buckling it down,

Without hesitation clamping my will,

Without fear clawing my insides, pushing me to step back every time I decide to step forward –

I wanna be fire,
Unperturbed, unabashed, undaunted – breathing life into every moment I live,

I wanna be a whole uninsulated live wire,
Cartwheeling my way into every place I want to be.

Sometimes…

Sometimes I wish I don’t find the lack of words startling,

Sometimes I wish I find the strength to stop myself from initiating each of the conversations I end up having,

Sometimes I wish I don’t explain my every action, my every flaw to every human I meet,

Sometimes, I wish, I speak only when I’m spoken to,

Sometimes, I wish I’d never spoken,

Sometimes I wish, I’d let my silence do all the talking…

Sometimes.

I, am enough.

If you are going to leave anyway,
After breaking my soul into a hundred million fragments,
Leave now.
If you’re going to leave anyway,
After pushing me to believe I’m not worth it,
Leave now.
If you’re going to leave anyway,
Leave now;
Not after you shatter my confidence,
Not after self doubt begins to seep into my veins closing me into a black hole of nothingness.

Because,
For all the odds that I come across,
For every battle I have to fight my way through,
For the million pursuits I want to pursue,
For the life that I choose to live,

I am enough.

I wander…

In pursuit of the unknown,
I wander,
Unaware of my destination,
Seeking, searching,
Pedalling away on a road not taken,
Bumping into pitfalls,
Sometimes falling, sometimes failing,
Mapping my journey with scars the bruises leave behind,
I wander,
Not letting the thirst of the unrelenting soul to die down,
While I take my time to build my own kingdom, to carve my own crown.

Expectations.

I think it’s easier to live by Dale Carnegie’s secret, don’t you?
Because, I often worry what I’d do if things don’t turn out the way I expect them to,
Be it the outcome of an examination I’ve taken,
Or the response to something I’ve written –
Disappointments stop me from trying,
They stop my brain from thinking,
So, every time now, I find myself preparing for the worst that can happen;
For the heartbreaks, for the setbacks, for the unrequited anticipation –
Trusting, it’d prepare me enough to help me take failures in my stride, hoping, it’d give me the strength to get back on my feet,
And wishing, it’d help my every success taste more concrete.

Unless you try, you’d never know.

This one is for my eternally non-functional brain –

Thanks to you, I’ve a muscle jumping in my vein,

Thanks to you, I jumped the gun again,
I signed up for something I’d never have, if I was sane,
I signed up knowing I would never be able to pull it off,
I signed up, knowing, I’d only be made a fool of –
But, thanks to you, I’m now in absolute trepidation,
And I’ll have live up to the projected expectation,
Yet, hey, I still do have options, two,
I could work my way to success with you,
Or chicken out saying I wouldn’t be able to –
Thanks to you, I’ll give myself a chance before I say no,
Because, if I don’t, I’d probably never know.