I listen to music a little too loud,
To drown the voices
creating chaos inside my head,
Decibel by decibel,
Before they buckle me down,
Echo my imbecility,
Or remind me of people, of places,
Of memories, that push me to quit.
I hold you and the rest of the world spins into oblivion,
I can’t take my eyes off you, with you around, everything else becomes alien,
You make me laugh, you make me cry,
You put up with my madness, you don’t ask me what or why,
I lose track of time when you’re with me,
And when you’re not, I find excuses to sneak a glance at you –
Because, tell you what, I’ve come to realize there’s nothing else I’d rather do,
My life comes to a standstill when I don’t find you by my side,
Oh my silicone-shielded, android-seeded smartphone, you’re now my comrade-in-arms, my confidant, bonafide.
When you were around, I’d wanted you to stop talking,
I’d wanted you to stop asking me what I needed, I’d wanted you to stop telling me what I ought to be doing,
I’d often shut myself into darkness, into a world away from your chatter,
Into a space where everything you asked of me, ceased to matter,
But now, I find the silence deafening,
Now, when you’ve disappeared into the sunset, into a universe galaxies away from mine, I find the darkness unnerving,
Now, when you’re nothing but a memory that lies encased in a frozen corner of my heart, I miss how you would sing me to sleep every dawn,
I miss how you would tick me off when I was wrong,
I can’t bring myself to live with the void you’ve left behind, I want to stir life into your pictures, create moments that’d set alight our aloofness, my animosity,
I want to bring you back into my world, so I can string my soul to yours, for eternity.
I wake up each day – To the lilt of your laughter, to your glints of mischief, to meticulously yank at your hair,
To plot with you, to party with you, to have your back even when the world doesn’t care,
For, side by side or miles apart, you are who
For eternity, I’d willingly tie myself to,
It is you that stands by me in sickness, in health, in misery, in pain,
In joy, in success, in every happiness of mine,
I hear my name in your every prayer, I see myself in the arch of your eyebrows –
YOU make my world go round, it is to you that I’d raise my every toast!
I wake up to nightmares every day, of loss, of losing you,
Of a universe that doesn’t have anything to do with you,
Of dark clouds pixelating my starlit sky;
Fear grips my heart, tears it apart, and I see memories of you and me fade away into nothingness, and fly,
I shudder, I stagger, I scream, I stumble,
I flounder, I falter, I fall, I fumble,
As I pick myself up from the shambles, brush away a few beads of sweat,
I realise, with a start, I’m not ready to let you go, yet.
I warp around, every now and then, collecting emotions wreaking havoc inside my head,
I bring them together, string them into syllables, instead,
One after another,
Jitter for jitter,
Into a song, into a sonnet,
Into a ballad, that’d tie dreams to my bonnet,
Into an anthem, that’d lilt through my veins, etching zest, irrevocably deep,
Into a lullaby, that would sing me to sleep.
What do you do on days when you have nobody, and nothing, to redeem yourself with?
Do you sit down with a tub of your favorite ice cream and brush away hopes, of finding your zenith?
Do you let the nightmares lurk in a corner of your brain?
Do you run a finger over frames of pictures that give you reason, to smile again?
Do you let your being drown in self-doubt?
Do you phone a friend and pour your heart out?
Do you cry yourself to sleep? Do you scar your soul with a scythe?
Oh, what do you do, on days when you have nobody, and nothing to redeem yourself with?