I’ll cross the bridge when I get to it!

Of late, I’ve been rambling. A lot. And “a lot” is a bit of an underestimation. Right since childhood I’ve had this habit of over-analyzing everything I do. I mentally make a note of everything I say or do, then replay the same thing in my mind one hundred times at least, and draw about a thousand different conclusions from each of them. That’s how I normally screw things up for me. I just can’t take things easy. I’m known to complicate even the simplest of situations to the worst extent possible – like blow it up to the power of infinity. My mind wouldn’t relax if it didn’t have a problem to think of – that’s the kind of drama queen I am. I just don’t know to rest in peace. Or live in peace. And of late, it’s all been getting worse. I’ve begun to freak out at everything that happens to happen to me – at everything I say, see or do. I’ve begun to imagine hopeless situations in my mind about things that are least likely to happen and I’ve begun draw contingency plans for them. What’s more pathetic is, I, almost everyday, call the 10 people (apart from my family) on my speed dial list, to get their opinions about my situation, not because I believe their opinions are going to change the situation, but because I believe it’ll help change what I think about it. That’s how senile I have become. That’s how dependent I’ve become.

Time to decide enough is enough. Realization has to hit me sometime, right?

I can’t keep moping and mumbling around all the time. I can’t go on being a pile on. I can’t go on letting each effing thing affect me like hell. I can’t let all the trash in the world occupy my mind and take control over it. I can’t keep bothering people with my so-called sad stories though they are my family and friends. I honestly believe they have no obligation to do it because they are family/friends – at some point of time they’d definitely be bored sick, but be polite to not say it loud and let me down. I just can’t cry buckets each day and look like a pitiful moth. No. I. Just. Can’t.

It’s time I grow up. I know it’s going to be real hard in the beginning, to mend my ways, to transform into that whole new leaf I want to, but hey, I’ve to do it someday, right? I’ve to realize that even by Mr. Newton’s law, my every action is bound to have a reaction – and there is nothing I can do about it. If it helps, maybe I could change the way I react to situations, but that’s the most. I can’t all the time be worried about everything that may/may not happen, I can’t keep grumbling about what has happened either – because nothing’s ever going to change it.

I’ve learn to be someone whom I’d look up to. I’d have to be able to handle myself better, and probably lend an ear to another as well.

And that’d be possible if I learn to cross the bridge when I get to it. And if some bug bites me into hallucinating about it before, I’ll have to sod it. Sounds like a plan, no?

 

 

 

 

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Let Go.

My favourite post as on date. I insist you actually read it to know why.
A hint here, maybe.
Live to the fullest extent your heart wants to. Don’t cling on to something that’ll make you nothing but sad. Bury it deep, never to be recovered. Do yourself a favour, and love yourself for what you are.

Until a few days back, I was this douche bag, that was living with the memories of the past. Horrible, cringe-worthy memory. My mind was this “Pensieve” which kept storing only hard hitting, belittling, embarrassing memories. And each moment, each day, I would hash out atleast one from it and begin to feel guilty. Each memory had something to do with a mistake I had committed. I was living a life of regret, and resentment was probably the only emotion that I felt all day. All the good things, good memories were wiped away from time to time, under the weight of the negativity surrounding me, within me. I hated myself for my existence. I hated my appearance, my very being. I thought I was all bad, the rotten apple of the dozen. I didn’t seem to find any good in me at all, and if at all I did, I found it easier to overlook it than let it bring positivity into me. I hated every bit of me I knew. I was supremely under confident. And at the end of each day, when I recollected the day’s activities, I would end up finding one thread which I would spin into a yarn big enough to begin to feel guilty about. I would blame myself for everything that went wrong. I would think every other person in the world, other than I, was a much better human than me. My reaction to each situation would be based on my memories of the past. (Mind you, though my mistakes weren’t huge, according to me they were inexcusable. But I had the habit of exaggerating my each small mistake to something extremely big, that I would end up writhing in shame, everytime.) It would have been a random, meaningless conversation, but I would end up drawing a hundred different conclusions from it. I would replay each and every moment of the day and think of a hundred different reasons to why I shouldn’t have said/done what I had, and would go back  to feeling guilty all over again. I was exhausting to live with. I would lose my temper at the drop of a hat, and panic for something as normal as the rain. Although I had learned from my mistakes, I wasn’t ready to accept the fact that’s it’s all okay.

But this is exactly what resentment does to you, right?

I wasn’t ready to let go. I wasn’t ready to forgive myself. I wasn’t ready to give myself a chance. I wasn’t ready to love myself. 

Then, realisation hit me. In a way I didn’t expect it to. And I want to share it with people who are letting themselves wither away because of the regret of the past.

It doesn’t matter what you were in the past. Each human is imperfect and has a shit-load of regrets. To err is human. Every one commits mistakes. To learn from them and to not commit them again is the only lesson out of it. The mistakes don’t decide who you are, or your character. How you come out of it decides who you are. Love yourself for what you are. You are unique and there’s no one like you, and won’t ever be. So love yourself completely. With the flaws in you. The flaws make you beautiful. The flaws make you who you are. The flaws make you one in a million. The flaws give you your identity. So, appreciate yourself for who you are.

Forgive yourself. Flush out all the regret, the resentment. Let it all go. Because if they stay, they’ll only drain you of everything positive in and around you. You won’t allow yourself to live fully if you are going to remain the stupid douche bag. Don’t stop yourself from doing what you want to. Don’t be too hard on yourself. See things for what they are, not what you expect them to be. You’re going to be missing on the happiness of the present if the you’re going to let the past make you cringe for your existence. Seize each moment, and live in your present. Don’t just be a product of your past, evolve each day. See the world in a whole new light each living moment.

P.S. There will always be people to put you down, bring down your confidence. There will be people to judge you no matter what you do. Shut your ears to them, you can’t fend yourself from each one out there. There’s no need to. Just go out and do your thing. Give yourself real happiness, and a lot of it.

The Sweetest Fruits…

The happiness, the delight,

The euphoria will seem just right;

If the fruits are from your hard work real,

Your time, your patience and honest zeal!

 

 

 

P.S. This is part of my Pen The Picture project 🙂 Hope you like reading what I write 🙂

Work for your goals..

Among the stars, be the sun,

In each race, the world you outrun,

Know what you want to win,

With all your heart work for it, so your victories remain genuine!

 

 

P.S. This is part of my Pen The Picture project 🙂 Hope you like reading what I write 🙂

To Success…

With every failure, to your goal you’re a step closer,

Success is never elusive, just try a little harder,

Because every night brings with it a new morning;

A new day, A new ray of hope, a new beginning!

 

 

P.S. This is part of my Pen The Picture project 🙂 Hope you like reading what I write 🙂

Keep Going…

Alone in my beat,

With two left feet,

Yet, I see in the end, some light,

That’s strength enough for me to keep going right!






P.S. This is part of my Pen The Picture project 🙂 Hope you like reading what I write 🙂



What’s Meant To Be, Will Be!

What you are destined for,

Will be yours to star,

The success, the failure, the agony, the glee,

Everything that’s meant to be, will be.








P.S. This is part of my Pen The Picture project 🙂 Hope you like reading what I write 🙂