The War.

She always fought her battles, a fighter,

She won over her demons like no other,

She was a warrior, a crusader, 

Who never bowed down to failure,

Succumb, yet, she did, to cancer,

But knew not, until she lived, fear!

Satiating Saturdays – Challenge Yourself ✨

The one thing you’ve always wanted to do, but have backed out all the time because you didn’t have the courage to take the plunge.
The number of times you have wanted to go out there and prove yourself to the world, but ducked out in the last moment.

And every single time you’ve let fear come in your way.

Go back in time and think. Think about how you’ve let your fear outdo your strengths.

Fear is such an overrated emotion. Don’t give it the attention you think it deserves. It is exactly because of that we end up losing on so many opportunities we could have used to make our way up the ladder. To prove a point (in the easiest way possible). To flap our wings and fly high.

Fear isn’t worth losing your identity, your sanity over. 

So be the someone who decided to just go for it. Be the someone you’ll want to idolise. Be the someone you’d look up to for help, when you are helpless. Be the someone who you think would be your inspiration. 

Challenge yourself each moment. Do exactly what you’re scared of. Live the fear. Get rid of it. Show it that it ain’t a big deal at all. Because, life isn’t about mulling over spilt milk. It is about living in the moment. And relishing each moment without holding yourself back.

Go for it, now✨

I’ll cross the bridge when I get to it!

Of late, I’ve been rambling. A lot. And “a lot” is a bit of an underestimation. Right since childhood I’ve had this habit of over-analyzing everything I do. I mentally make a note of everything I say or do, then replay the same thing in my mind one hundred times at least, and draw about a thousand different conclusions from each of them. That’s how I normally screw things up for me. I just can’t take things easy. I’m known to complicate even the simplest of situations to the worst extent possible – like blow it up to the power of infinity. My mind wouldn’t relax if it didn’t have a problem to think of – that’s the kind of drama queen I am. I just don’t know to rest in peace. Or live in peace. And of late, it’s all been getting worse. I’ve begun to freak out at everything that happens to happen to me – at everything I say, see or do. I’ve begun to imagine hopeless situations in my mind about things that are least likely to happen and I’ve begun draw contingency plans for them. What’s more pathetic is, I, almost everyday, call the 10 people (apart from my family) on my speed dial list, to get their opinions about my situation, not because I believe their opinions are going to change the situation, but because I believe it’ll help change what I think about it. That’s how senile I have become. That’s how dependent I’ve become.

Time to decide enough is enough. Realization has to hit me sometime, right?

I can’t keep moping and mumbling around all the time. I can’t go on being a pile on. I can’t go on letting each effing thing affect me like hell. I can’t let all the trash in the world occupy my mind and take control over it. I can’t keep bothering people with my so-called sad stories though they are my family and friends. I honestly believe they have no obligation to do it because they are family/friends – at some point of time they’d definitely be bored sick, but be polite to not say it loud and let me down. I just can’t cry buckets each day and look like a pitiful moth. No. I. Just. Can’t.

It’s time I grow up. I know it’s going to be real hard in the beginning, to mend my ways, to transform into that whole new leaf I want to, but hey, I’ve to do it someday, right? I’ve to realize that even by Mr. Newton’s law, my every action is bound to have a reaction – and there is nothing I can do about it. If it helps, maybe I could change the way I react to situations, but that’s the most. I can’t all the time be worried about everything that may/may not happen, I can’t keep grumbling about what has happened either – because nothing’s ever going to change it.

I’ve learn to be someone whom I’d look up to. I’d have to be able to handle myself better, and probably lend an ear to another as well.

And that’d be possible if I learn to cross the bridge when I get to it. And if some bug bites me into hallucinating about it before, I’ll have to sod it. Sounds like a plan, no?

 

 

 

 

Lead the way…

Though alone, and almighty scared,

Though weak, and pretty insecure,

Tread along, do what your heart says,

You are the leader, so you pave the way!

P.S. This is part of my Pen The Picture project. Hope you like reading what I write.

Cross the bridge…

What’s the point in wondering what’s coming to be,

What’s bound to happen, will happen as I see,

I’ll not worry my head off and work myself into a fit,

I’ll cross the bridge when I get to it.

P.S. This is part of my Pen The Picture project. Hope you like reading what I write.

For Fear And Insecurity

When I was in my final year, before we had our placements on in our college, my parents had suggested I take up the IELTS and GRE, because I was almost sure I would end up not getting placed in any of the companies that were to visit our campus. If that be the case with the on-campus placements for me, it was scary to even imagine the off-campus placements. I had this uneasy feeling that I wouldn’t land up with a job by the time I finished my graduation. So I thought taking up the GRE/IELTS was the best option at hand then. I went for the IELTS first and got back home with a pretty decent score. But before I could start with my prep for GRE, I had my placements at college and so I began working hard for it. Now, to be honest, I’m not this brilliant student who manages to crack every nut. Never have been. Surprisingly, I got myself a job in the very first company that visited our campus – in spite of my nerves and being a dimwit. Now, I had 2 options in front of me, either I could go for the job or pursue my masters. That got me thinking for the first time. I immediately looked up the cost of education overseas, and calculated all the expenses that I could incur during my stay there. And man! Wasn’t that a huge number?! Plus, another worry now weighed itself over my mind – what if I don’t successfully finish whatever course I opt to, and what if after finishing the course I don’t land up with a job? The very thought got me insecure. Gave me fear. And made me rethink my options.

I had decided then, that very moment, 2 things. 

1. I would take the job first, at any cost. Give myself the independence, the stability I had been aching for. 

2. If at all, at some point in time in life, I plan to pursue my masters it would be out of my own money.

Two years into my first job now, and there have been numerous times when I would feel I should rethink the 2 decisions, times when I would see/hear about my friends, cousins, seniors, juniors and the like flying abroad to pursue their dreams, their masters. Times when I would feel a tad bit jealous of their sense of security, courage and confidence. Times when I would feel I was severely missing out on something wonderful and important. But soon enough, I’d snap out of my reverie and find myself facing questions, the very same ones that had bothered me during my final year at college. And I continue to do my job, which, although not my dream job, helps me have a decent livelihood and a life I could live on my terms. 

So, will I ever will to risk it all and take the plunge? An open ended question, for which even I’d like an answer. 

Not that there’s anything that’s sure in life – uncertainty is life’s most honest facet. But a bird in hand is better than two in the bush, right?

Let’s Face It…

Alone or in a group,

Never let your courage droop,

Face your fears, no matter how big they are,

Persevere, you will emerge a winner, a star!

P.S. This is part of my Pen The Picture project. Hope you like reading what I write.