It’s your ride, after all.

There are so many things you can do without, in life. And one, of them would be this never-ending, vicious cycle of expectations.

There’d always be a cousin who’s abroad and is doing very well for himself. Or a neighbour, who is studying in the IIT. Or one specific somebody, who’d be everything you would be “expected” to replicate.

Cut to phase 2, when you’re done with graduation. When the world wouldn’t let you pause or take a breath. Because, before you know it, people would begin shoving “Hey, so what next?” down your throats. And if you don’t have a plan ready, they’d have one ready-made. A plan that’s been tried and tested a million times over, yet not one hundred percent fail-safe.

Enter phase 3, and you’re surrounded by benchmarks you don’t have a choice but to drown yourself in. Benchmarks and, status symbols – Of 6 figure salaries and a big brown mercedes. Of a palatial house in the vicinity and a couple of trips to the New York city. Of posh, skimpy clothes and plush, velvety shoes. Of goals, you’re asked to chase, in a chaos you wouldn’t have bothered to choose.

And, in the process, you don’t get to enjoy the journey you’re asked to be a part of – because, the focus, unfortunately, is always on the destination.

But hey. Here’s the deal. Despite all the compromises you might be required to make, you can’t let anyone puncture the eccentricity out of your soul. Or disrupt your momentum. Or drive you into making decisions you’d regret or have second thoughts about, later. Because, at the end of the day, it’s your ride after all.

Cheers!
💖

P.S. Quite a long post, this. A little late into the night too. But trust me, I’m sober.

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Love yourself…with your flaws ✨

Everyday I look in the mirror, at my tiny eyes, my humongous nose, my over sized front teeth and I cry. And then, I reminisce. I think of all the wrong I’ve done, all the mistakes I’ve knowingly and unknowingly committed and I drown myself in remorse and resentment. This is a routine for me, everyday. Every single day. Sometimes minimal, but on days when I’m low, to an extent that I’m reduced to tears. I’d fake amazing strength and attitude on the outside, but inside I’d be broken and brittle. I’d go into a shell and stay incognito, just keeping to myself all day long. I’d keep interaction to zilch but peep out once in a while just to check if the world’s still intact. 

I know there are so many others out there who go through the same emotions as mine. Who go into a state of depression and get all worked up. Who blame themselves for everything that goes wrong. 

To all of you out there, and to myself too, here’s what I’d like to instill, strongly :

The ultimate truth is this.

Beyond everything else, you are God’s creation. Every bit of God’s creation is always beautiful. And God has always got a plan for you, for all of us. Something good, like light at the end of a dark tunnel. 
There’s no damage in this world that’s irreparable. Spare yourself that resentment and see what you can do to set things right. There’s​ nothing in this world that can’t be cured, only realise what’s wrong in time. Every bad experience has taught you something​ you’d remember for life, has made you stronger and has helped you emerge a better person.
And, there’s no one in this world that’s perfect. Perfection is overrated, exaggerated. Perfection is fiction. Imperfection is beautiful, plausible. Imperfection is real. Imperfection is what makes us human. So learn to love yourself with your flaws, with your loss, with your past. Just remember to ditch that baggage you keep carrying in your head. 
Love yourself for who you are, for who you have been, for who you will be. There’s absolutely no one like you. You are every bit special with your flaws, incredible in ways you can’t even manifest. Be the best version of you, always, be your first priority when you need to be and love who you are, with your imperfections, unabashedly.

Cheers! 💝

Great Expectations!

Yesterday, I yet again realised how sensitive I am, to words, to emotions, to situations, to people. To people who I think belong to me. It was just another normal conversation, but the over-thinking brain in me found something to worry about, as usual. 

After a series of texts and calls and conversations, and both of us became of wary ( I, of me, my friend, of me as well. What else?) I understood it was time to let go. To let go of the extremely fine thread of expectations I had. To let go of the hurt and the anger and the pain. To let go of the guilt and the misery and the doubt. 

I realised I can’t go about carrying a “Handle With Care” sign in this world, when I am the odd one out. Every emotion has to be mutual. I mean, it’s okay to sometimes take the first step when there are signs of reciprocation from the other end. But otherwise, there are extremely few occasions when the gesture is appreciated. And understood. And returned. Because, most of the time there is only turbulence, disappointment, awkwardness and emptiness. 

I find it easier to bring down my expectations than face the disappointment of them not being fulfilled. But now I’ll have to find ways to become less sensitive, because a) It sometimes become too much for people around me to handle, b) I don’t seem to be able to appreciate the lack of it in some, c) And sometimes it leaves a bad taste in people that it brings an emptiness in the equation I share with people – the pain of which I don’t seem to be able to handle.

Thank God for blogging though, I can pour out anything I’d want to express without any filter. And share my views without having to feel mortified about it.

Cheers!

The Wait…

When you’ve done all you could,

Even when, no one, by your side, stood,

You mustered up courage and hope,

And took upon you beyond what you could cope,

You waited day through night, 

You looked above wrong and right,

Futile your efforts were, you did know,

Yet, your disappointment, you didn’t show,

The wait was perhaps worth it all,

Inspite of the pain, the tears big and small,

Because, the chaos, the pandemonium, it brought and broke,

Actually, strengthened your soul with each stoke!