Great Expectations!

Yesterday, I yet again realised how sensitive I am, to words, to emotions, to situations, to people. To people who I think belong to me. It was just another normal conversation, but the over-thinking brain in me found something to worry about, as usual. 

After a series of texts and calls and conversations, and both of us became of wary ( I, of me, my friend, of me as well. What else?) I understood it was time to let go. To let go of the extremely fine thread of expectations I had. To let go of the hurt and the anger and the pain. To let go of the guilt and the misery and the doubt. 

I realised I can’t go about carrying a “Handle With Care” sign in this world, when I am the odd one out. Every emotion has to be mutual. I mean, it’s okay to sometimes take the first step when there are signs of reciprocation from the other end. But otherwise, there are extremely few occasions when the gesture is appreciated. And understood. And returned. Because, most of the time there is only turbulence, disappointment, awkwardness and emptiness. 

I find it easier to bring down my expectations than face the disappointment of them not being fulfilled. But now I’ll have to find ways to become less sensitive, because a) It sometimes become too much for people around me to handle, b) I don’t seem to be able to appreciate the lack of it in some, c) And sometimes it leaves a bad taste in people that it brings an emptiness in the equation I share with people – the pain of which I don’t seem to be able to handle.

Thank God for blogging though, I can pour out anything I’d want to express without any filter. And share my views without having to feel mortified about it.

Cheers!

Label…

I don’t need a label,

My story ain’t a fable,

My emotions need no name,

They ain’t something to tame,

I don’t think when I express,

Because, I don’t express to impress!

Share Some Love – My Art For Sale!πŸ’ƒ

Hasty to vanquish my “Monday Blues”, I was playing around on the internet looking for something fun to do. And I hit on Cupick and Zazzle to put my incompetent brains to work.

I tried my hand at using my poetry for creating postcard/posters or artwork basically, and have put them up on sale. They’ll make ideal gifts for all occasions, because, poetry is often the best language to express your emotions.

Do have a look and share some love.

My artwork can be accessed below

 

 

Thank you!πŸ’βœ¨

People Skills

You know what’s in demand these days? This. People skills. To be able to get along with people, anytime, anywhere. I wouldn’t call that “handling”, “dealing”, or “managing” people. I’d rather call it “getting along”. It’s a talent, an amazing one to be able to easily get along with people of all sorts, masking your irritation, your anger, your worries from them. To be able to play along, no matter what. To not withdraw yourself inwards and go all quiet if you’re not pleased. I wish I could do all this.

I wish I could mask my hatred, my love, my anger, my pain, my disappointment, my irritation, from my face, from people. I wish I could feign it all.

The Divide

I remember, as a kid, I used to immediately warm up to people who gave me toffees, chocolates, gifts – among the other relatives who had nothing but a smile and hug for me. I used to eagerly wait for the those specific aunts and uncles to come home, just because they always bought me something. I’d be sweet, I’d pamper them around and towards the end I’d have a bountiful of treats in my bag. 

Then I grew up, and I brought myself up with the principle – to never accept any favour/gift/anything from anyone, at any cost. And whatever I wanted, I would wait, save and earn it myself. So it was all sorted in my mind and I no longer was looking forward to all the treats people brought me. But this didn’t mean I didn’t look forward to meeting them, it meant, the “gifts” aunties and uncles held the same value as the “only hugs and smiles” aunties and uncles, in my heart. 

Now, in almost every house there will be atleast one NRI aunt, uncle and family who’ll stay in some expensive, exotic foreign country and who come to India once in a while. And everytime they come, they’ll bring lots of gifts with them, which probably would’ve cost them just a dime, but considering the standards in our country, it will look like a lot to us. Always has, always will. And whatever we do/give in return will always seem small in comparison. 

But, of late, I realised through the passing years; the elders, the neighbours, the relatives and the rest of the people I know, haven’t grown up at all. They still hold the same attraction towards people who bring them expensive gifts, towards people who are NRIs, towards people who have lots of money. It is us kids who seem to have moved on. 

Though we aren’t poor or anything, it breaks my heart when I see people sucking up to that particular NRI aunt for no reason, and sticking up to her/her family like wart plasters through out their stay here. Their behaviour, attitude, emotions change drastically when she/any one from her family is around. The exotic aunts suddenly become the centre of attraction and the eye of everyone’s attention. 

This is a huge startling divide I fail to comprehend, and do not wish to ever.

Though money, power, status, position matter to me, I wish to earn them myself – not by sucking up to people or plastering fake smiles on my face whenever I see them. For me, this divide just doesn’t exist. For me, the only people matter are those who’ll stand by my side no matter what. To me, everyone’s the same and if something is going to set them apart it’d be their honesty in emotions.

What The Heart Wants..

The heart only wants –

Everything that it likes,

The heart only wants –

Everything surreal,

The heart only wants –

But doesn’t care to understand,

The heart only wants –

But wouldn’t listen to the mind,

The heart only wants –

But isn’t ready for pain,

The heart only wants –

To protect itself from all hurt,

The heart only wants –

Everything impossible,

The heart only wants –

To live in a dream,

The heart only wants –

But isn’t ready for tears,

The heart only wants –

To keep hoping against hope –

The heart only wants –

To love,Β 

The heart only wants –

To simply trust,

The heart only wants –

To not break,

The heart always just wants –

Wants it all, everything big and small!