Be the best version of you, always. The world deserves nothing short of that :’)
Yesterday, I yet again realised how sensitive I am, to words, to emotions, to situations, to people. To people who I think belong to me. It was just another normal conversation, but the over-thinking brain in me found something to worry about, as usual.
After a series of texts and calls and conversations, and both of us became of wary ( I, of me, my friend, of me as well. What else?) I understood it was time to let go. To let go of the extremely fine thread of expectations I had. To let go of the hurt and the anger and the pain. To let go of the guilt and the misery and the doubt.
I realised I can’t go about carrying a “Handle With Care” sign in this world, when I am the odd one out. Every emotion has to be mutual. I mean, it’s okay to sometimes take the first step when there are signs of reciprocation from the other end. But otherwise, there are extremely few occasions when the gesture is appreciated. And understood. And returned. Because, most of the time there is only turbulence, disappointment, awkwardness and emptiness.
I find it easier to bring down my expectations than face the disappointment of them not being fulfilled. But now I’ll have to find ways to become less sensitive, because a) It sometimes become too much for people around me to handle, b) I don’t seem to be able to appreciate the lack of it in some, c) And sometimes it leaves a bad taste in people that it brings an emptiness in the equation I share with people – the pain of which I don’t seem to be able to handle.
Thank God for blogging though, I can pour out anything I’d want to express without any filter. And share my views without having to feel mortified about it.
When you’ve done all you could,
Even when, no one, by your side, stood,
You mustered up courage and hope,
And took upon you beyond what you could cope,
You waited day through night,
You looked above wrong and right,
Futile your efforts were, you did know,
Yet, your disappointment, you didn’t show,
The wait was perhaps worth it all,
Inspite of the pain, the tears big and small,
Because, the chaos, the pandemonium, it brought and broke,
Actually, strengthened your soul with each stoke!
My favourite way of spending a Sunday evening would always be this.
Sitting out in a quiet corner, enjoying the evening breeze, watching the birds chirp and the squirrels run around, and finding bliss in the sunset. The mind is purely in the play mode, no rewind, no fast forward, and I’m compelled to breathe in the beauty of each moment.
The anxiety about the future forgotten, I’m just finding solace in the present.
Trust nature to help us ease out and rediscover ourselves amidst all the chaos, atleast for a little while every now and then.
I just read this post on a fellow blogger’s blog, and I thought I might write about my name too!
My name is Annapurani, and I share my name with my paternal grandmother, because we have this tradition of naming the kids after the names of the elders in the family, so the traditional family names are preserved atleast for the near future.
Annapurani (I’ve linked the wiki page) is actually the name of an Indian Goddess, who is the giver of food. She is the goddess of food and nourishment.
Anna means food, and poorna means complete.
Mother Annapurani, as she is fondly referred to, is famous all over India, specially in Kashi.
Though, of late, colleagues and friends call me Anna, a shortened and more English version of my name.
That’s my name and the history behind it 🙂
I, very often, come across people who describe what they love, with a term that’s undeniably negative – a drug.
The fact that you love something, probably a piece of music or art, means, it brings you immense happiness. And you just cannot describe something that positive, with such a negative term.
The fact that you are alive to enjoy, appreciate and rejoice a beautiful creation is a blessing, not a curse – for it to be called a drug.
Something that has the goodness of an elixir cannot definitely be as incomprehensible as a drug.
You cannot cut my wings and expect me to fly, can you?
I disagree with a lot of stuff most of the time. But what I find extremely annoying and clichéd and often end up disagreeing with, is the mindset of people.
Having been born and brought up in a orthodox Indian society, it is part of the curriculum for the girls only to learn the household chores. I live in a typical male chauvinistic society that believes only the women are born to do the cooking, washing, sewing, basically all the basic menial household chores and that the men are too important to do servile jobs like these. I agree with the fact that the physical builds of the men and the women are different. But that apart, I believe that men and women are completely equal by birth, worth and right. Not even a tiny bit superior or inferior. Each has equal rights and freedom to choose and to live his/her life in his/her own terms. No one’s the boss. And no job is superior or inferior for anyone.
The chauvinistic thoughts, ideas and opinions are exactly what I cringe about. Because I want to fly, and fly high to wherever I want to, without barriers and restrictions. I would like to pave my own path and live my life on my own terms.
So it is high time this cliche is broken and it is high time there is light. It is high time mindsets change.