For someone who doesn’t have too many happy memories of life, it doesn’t come as a surprise when I come across as a pessimist. I’m not negative as a person, but I tend to expect in negative – which is to say, my expectations from anything, and everything will always be below zero. I believe this way I’ll experience double the happiness when something good happens, wouldn’t flip out if nothing happens, and not experience a heart failure if something bad happens.
Having said that, I’d like to transcribe those few features I loved in myself as a kid, but have lost them while growing up. I don’t know if I’d ever go back to being the wild kid I was (wild, in my own terms), but to be back there and be the free spirit that was, would be a wish too wistful.
I was this extremely confident, smart, unflinching girl, who wouldn’t give a damn about what people thought of her. I’d just go about, do my thing, show the world what I’m capable of and dance away to popularity. Though I was atrocious at whatever I did, I just wouldn’t care to stop. I was a free spirited girl who wouldn’t be caged. I never cared about what people thought about me. Nobody’s opinion seemed to matter to me, but my heart’s. But as I grew, I began to think, I began to observe and I began to understand. Everything and everyone’s opinion seemed to matter to me. I began to change myself to someone who people wanted to see. I began to cage my spirit. I began to worry. I began to be bothered about people’s thoughts, responses and reactions.
All I’d want to preserve for eternity, is the free spirit and innocence and genuinity of childhood, and etch and imbibe it in our hearts forever, so it’s not lost into nothingness as we grow.