Choices..

As I reminisce my childhood, I am reminded of all my likes and my favourites, most of which I resent now. I am reminded of my choices. At school, I was in awe of a senior, who was everything I was not. She was tall, beautiful, intelligent and extremely talented. I looked up to her and admired her so much that I went around telling my friends that she was my sister. Some hero worshipping thing I did, back then. Which I totally, totally resent now. I wanted to look beautiful, have my nails painted, wanted a stylish cut for my hair, wanted clothes similar to what my friends wore, in my wardrobe. Hailing from a very, very strict and conservative family, I was obviously denied all of this. So, I used to look up to people who were all that I was not, who could do all that I couldn’t. I wanted to be one of them, do what they did, look the way they looked and carry myself the way they did. I wanted the attention they got.

But now when I look back, I laugh at my own then foolish self. I laugh at my choices. What used to hold my attention back then, doesn’t even matter an inkling to me now. Those choices don’t seem to hold any value to me anymore. I realised I wasn’t really happy doing whatever I thought was amazing back then. I realised I wanted something else from life. I realised I wanted to be someone else, do something else altogether different. I realised I no longer liked the people I so admired. I realised times change, and people change with it too. Priorities change and perspectives change too. I realised what I truly value and what I don’t.

I don’t know what I want from life, yet. But I quite know what I don’t want, and what I won’t value. That’s half the problem solved, right?

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Author: Annapurani Vaidyanathan

I hoard books for a living. And read them too, when I am not sleeping. I express what I think, so my unheard feelings don't sink. I like to sing when I walk, to keep shades grey, at bay. I speak like a dork, but I don't want to drive anyone away. I write what's real, and nothing fake, so visit my blog whenever you need a break ;)

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