Priest dies & is waiting in line at heavens gate.
Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.
God to the guy : Who r u ?
Guy : I am Thrissur -Kozhikode Bus driver.
God : Take this gold robe & enter kingdom of heaven.
God to the Priest : Who r u ?
Priest : I am a priest & spent 40yrs preaching good to people.
God : Take this cotton robe and enter heaven.
Priest : God, how come that foul mouthed, rash driver gets a gold & I spent all my life preaching good get cotton.
God : Results, my son, results.
While you preached, people slept, when he drove, people really prayed…
☝“Its Performance, not Position that Counts !!”😆😆😂
🏆 Awarded Joke 🏆An Inspiring story with an equally Beautiful Message🌿….
Arthur Ashe, The Legendary Wimbledon Player was dying of AIDS
which he got due to Infected Blood he received during a Heart Surgery in 1983!
He received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed:
“Why did God have to select you for such a bad disease??”
To this Arthur Ashe replied:
50 Million children started playing Tennis,
5 Million learnt to play Tennis,
500 000 learnt Professional Tennis,
50 Thousand came to Circuit,
5 Thousand reached Grandslam,
50 reached Wimbledon,
4 reached the Semifinals,
2 reached the Finals and
when I was holding the cup in my hand,
I never asked God
So now that I’m in pain how can I ask God.. “Why Me”. Thought provoking
What do you call a bee that comes from America?
No claps please!😄😄
What do you call a lady who drinks only one tea in a day?
Jaswanti (Just 1 tea)!:mrgreen:
One More ☝😁
Why don’t people clap in Afghanistan?
Because of ‘Tali-ban’!:mrgreen::mrgreen:
Acha ek or ☝😁
What will you call “Burj Khalifa” after 80 years?
Acha bas ek or ☝😁
How do you ask your ‘Massi’ to take a dip in water?
Ye wala last ☝😁
How do you say “she is calling a cab” in one word?
Ye wala ek dum last☝
Which Pakistani cricketer does not have a date of birth?
😝😝 Bonus One
What you call a fat girl waiting at the Bus Stop. Simple its – MOTIVATING.
_____________ A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would never have to testify in court. When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his CA who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the CA, “Ask him where the money is!”
The CA, using sign language, asks Guido, Where’s the money?
Guido signs back, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”
The CA tells the Godfather, “He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido’s head and says, “Ask him again or I’ll kill him!”
The CA signs to Guido, “He’ll kill you if you don’t tell him.”
Guido trembles and signs, “OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno’s house.”
The Godfather asks the CA, “What did he say?”
The CA replies, “He says you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger!”
:oops:😷:evil: smart CA
Height of misunderstanding in a Chinese Call center:
Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie
Operator: Yes you can speak to me..
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can
speak to me. Who is this?
Caller: I am Sam Wan, and I need to talk to Annie Wan. It’s urgent!
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to speak to anyone.
But what’s the urgent matter about?
Caller: Well.. just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident.
Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to hospital. Right
now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the
hospital, then the accident isn’t an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don’t have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I’m Saw Ree.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name.
Baajuwaali Special .. 😂😂
A man was shocked to see his beautiful divorced neighbour knocking on his door one sunday evening.
“I’m feeling so lonely that I can’t stand it.” she said.
“I want to go out, get drunk & want to enjoy my life. Are you free tonight?”
“Yes!” he replied enthusiastically.
“Wonderful.” she said.
“Then please take care of my kids…
Moral : Please read instructions
carefully before saying yes!
All free items* come with terms and conditions…
HR Manager in Heaven!!!
One day while walking down the street a highly successful HR Manager was hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was greeted by God himself.
“Welcome to Heaven,” said God. ”
“Well, What we’re going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in.”
“Actually, I think I’ve made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven”, said the woman.
“Sorry, we have rules.”
And with that God put the HR Manager in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the hell wt beautiful golf course. And a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends – fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. they talked about old times.
She met the Devil who was really a nice guy and She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave.
Everybody waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found God waiting for her.
“Now it’s time to spend a day in heaven,” he said. So she spent the next 24 hours around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and God came and got her.
“So, you’ve spent a day in hell and in heaven. Now u must choose ur eternity,”
The woman paused for a second and then replied, “Well, I never thought I’d say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell.”
So God escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.
The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
“I don’t understand,” stammered the woman, “yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable.”
The Devil looked at her smiled and said:
“Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you’re an Employee”.😁😁😁
☝dedicated to all companies
In a Store a man asked for 1/2 kg of butter.
The salesperson, a young boy, said that only 1kg packs were available in the Store.
But the man insisted on buying only 1/2 kg.
So the boy went inside to the Manager’s room and said “An idiot outside wants to buy only 1/2 kg of butter”.
To his surprise, the customer was standing right behind him….. !!
So the boy added immediately, “And this gentleman wants to buy the other half… !!”
After the customer left, the Manager said “You have saved your position by being clever enough
Moral:- Presence of mind helps, Never Panic….!!!
It Happened in a Hospital🏥 that ICU〰 patients died🚼 in the same bed every Sunday📆 at 11 AM.🕚
Doctors👷👷 thought it is something Super Natural.:oops:
Worldwide Expert team was formed to Investigate the cause..👀💼😎
Next Sunday, few minutes⏳ before 11 AM, all doctors & Nurses stood around that Bed & Waiting to see what it was.😯😶😶😶
Then Suddenly MUNIYAMMA (Part time Sunday sweeper) Entered the ICU,unplugged🔌 the Life Support system of that Bed🎃 & then plugged her Mobile Charger…📲
Punjab me 1Train🚊 k niche 100 👳Sardar
99 Mar gaye…
1 Bach gaya
Reporter ne Usse Puchha : “Ye Sab Kaise huaa.?”
Sardar👳 bola- “Galat Announcement🔊 ki vajah se,
Announcement🔊 huva tha ke Shatabdi🚉 Express Platform par aa rahi hai!”
To Sab Ghabra k Platform se Utarkar Patri par Aa gaye!
Par Train Platform🚇 par nahi,
Patari par Aayi…
Reporter : Aur Aap Samajhdar Nikle Jo Patri par nahi utre!
Sardar 👳: O Ji nahi,
Mai to Suicide karne Aaya tha, Announcement🔊 Sunkar mai Patri se Hatkar Platform Pe Let gaya tha”.
Jaldi forward karo..Ye market me naya hai..😜😝
A must read:
The Taj hotel group had invited Mr. Masai Imai from Japan to hold a workshop for its staff.
The staff were very skeptical – the hotel is doing excellent business, this person from Japan has no exposure to hotel industry – what exactly is he going to teach?
But everybody gathered as planned for the workshop in the conference hall sharp at 9 am.
Mr. Masai was introduced to them – a not so impressive personality, nor the English all that good; spoke as if he was first formulating each sentence in Japanese and then translating it into rather clumsy English.
“Good morning! Let’s start work. I am told this is a workshop; but I see neither work nor shop. So let’s proceed where work is happening. Let’s start with the first room on the first floor.”
Mr. Masai, followed by the senior management, the participants, the video camera crew trouped out of the conference room and proceeded to the destination.
That happened to be the laundry room of the hotel.
Mr. Masai entered the room and stood at the window, “beautiful view!” he said.
The staff knew it; they need not invite a Japanese consultant to tell them this!
“A room with such a beautiful view is being wasted as a laundry room. Shift the laundry to the basement and convert this into a guest room.”
Aa Haa! Now nobody had ever thought about that!
The manager said, “Yes, it can be done.”
“Then let’s do it,” Mr. Masai said.
“Yes sir, I will make a note of this and we will include it in the report on the workshop that will be prepared.” Manager
“Excuse me, but there is nothing to note down in this. Let’s just do it, just now.” Mr. Masai.
“Just now?” Manager
“Yes, decide on a room on the ground floor/basement and shift the stuff out of this room right away. It should take a couple of hours, right?” asked Mr. Masai.
“Let’s come back here just before lunch. By then all this stuff will have got shifted out and the room must be ready with the carpets, furniture etc. and from today you can start earning the few thousand that you charge your customers for a night.”
“Ok, Sir.” The manager had no option.
The next destination was the pantry. The group entered. At the entrance were two huge sinks full of plates to be washed.
Mr. Masai removed his jacket and started washing the plates.
“Sir, Please, what are you doing?” the manager didn’t know what to say and what to do.
“Why, I am washing the plates”, Mr. Masai.
“But sir, there is staff here to do that.” Manager Mr. Masai continued washing, “I think sink is for washing plates, there are stands here to keep the plates and the plates should go into the stands.”
All the officials wondered – did they require a consultant to tell them this?
After finishing the job, Mr. Masai asked, “How many plates do you have?’
“Plenty, so that there should never be any shortage.” answered the Manager.
Mr. Masai said, “We have a word in Japanese -‘Muda’. Muda means delay, Muda means unnecessary spending. One lesson to be learned in this workshop is to avoid both. If you have plenty of plates, there will be delay in cleaning them up. The first step to correct this situation is to remove all the excess plates.”
“Yes, we will say this in the report.” Manager.
“No, wasting our time in writing the report is again an instance of ‘Muda’. We must pack the extra plates in a box right away and send these to whichever other section of Taj requires these. Throughout the workshop now we will find out where all we find this ‘Muda’ hidden.”
And then at every spot and session, the staff eagerly awaited to find out Muda and learn how to avoid it.
On the last day, Mr. Masai told a story.
“A Japanese and an American, both fond of hunting, met in a jungle. They entered deep jungle and suddenly realized that they had run out of bullets. Just then they heard a lion roaring. Both started running. But the Japanese took a short break to put on his sports shoes.
The American said, “What are you doing? We must first get to the car.”
The Japanese responded, “No. I only have to ensure that I remain ahead of you.”
All the participants engrossed in listening to the story, realized suddenly that the lion would stop after getting his victim!
“The lesson is: competition in today’s world is so fierce, that it is important to stay ahead of other, even by just a couple of steps. And you have such a huge and naturally well endowed country. If you remember to curtail your production expenditure and give the best quality always, you will be miles ahead as compared to so many other countries in the world.”, concluded Mr. Masai.
It is never late to learn……..
My 2 mins reading was worth more than it!! No matter how busy u are just read it!!
Really Awesome read:
A keen immigrant Indian lad applied for a salesman’s job at London ‘s premier downtown department store. In fact, it was the biggest store in the world – you could get anything there.
The boss asked him, “Have you ever been a salesman before?” “Yes sir, I was a salesman in India “, replied the lad. The boss liked the cut of him and said, “You can start tomorrow and I’ll come and see you.”
The day was long and arduous for the young man, but he got through it.
And finally 6:00 PM came around.
The boss duly fronted up and asked, “How many sales did you make today?”
“Sir, Just ONE sale.” said the young salesman.
“Only one sale?” blurted the boss.
“No! No! You see here, most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day.
“If you want to keep this job, you’d better be doing better than just one sale.
By the way “How much was the sale worth?”
= 93300534.00 pounds” said the young man.
“What”,” How did you manage that?” asked the flabbergasted boss.
“Well”, said the salesman, “This man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook.
Then I sell him new fishing rod and some fishing gear.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast.
So I told him he’d be needing a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty-foot schooner with the twin engines.
Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn’t be able to pull it, so I took him to our automotive department and sold him that new Deluxe 4X4 Blazer.
I then asked him where he’ll be staying, and since he had not decided, I took him to camping department and sold him one of those new igloo 6-sleeper camper tents.
Then the guy said, while we’re at it, I should throw in about $100 worth of groceries and two cases of beer.
The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, “You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook!”
“No” answered the salesman,”he came in to buy a headache relief tablet and I said to him, “Sir, fishing is best remedy for headache.”
Boss – “You sit in my chair…
[6/3, 6:42 PM] Balachitti: A Marwadi having no children , no money , no home and a blind mother …
Prays sincerely to God for improving his life style..
God is very pleased with his prayer, and………… Grants him one wish……….. just one !!!!!!!!!!!!
The Marwadi says OK God, thanks, my one and only wish is – ‘I want my Mom to SEE my wife putting, Rupees twenty million worth of diamonds around my Child’s neck, in my Mercedes Benz parked near the swimming pool of our new 5 acre bungalow in Beverly Hills.’
GOD: Damn it! ‘I still have a lot to learn from these Marwadis
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